Sunday, February 20, 2005

Journal of Lost Sisterhood

(I feel that since I am using this blog as my journal I need to put a piece of my pain here also. Maybe my experience may be able to help someone else)

This time it’s really over. This time I won’t go back. No matter how much I want to. You hurt me. You made me go back to the dark side. The dark side of my heart. Where I slit and punch walls. The side that never sees the light of day. You act like my friend but you aren't. You never cared. You lied to me about everything. Friends don’t take thier guy over there girls. Why did you do this? You know I care about what happens to you. So you just sit there and act like nothing happened. I don’t think that way. I remember the pain you made me have. The pain is shown right here. This is it I don’t care. Screw you and your guy. I hate you for what you did to me. Your guy didn’t tell you to ignore me. Yet you did. Screw you. I quit trying to help you. Your problems aren’t mine. Get a new friend. One you can take advantage of. But it’s not me. Don’t try to get me back. I will walk the other way. And not care at all. It’s over for good now.

We were supposed to be friends for a long time yet to come.well, our friendship has gone down the day, i exploded...and you took it hard. the doormat barred her teeth and you did not like i am gone. we will never see each other ever again. i never thought we would part like this.but there is no going back. i do not miss you. and i will never contact you. i will never talk to you again.time to move on. you just forgot that even a doormat has her pride and dignity. you went too good bye is all i have to say.

I don't wanna pretend were best friends side it cuts me deep makes me sore.its like everything you ever do.i find a reason to forgive you.everything that hurts me i let sliphoping one day you'll get a grip.but I'm sick of waiting for you to grow up.I'm giving in, giving can't call me, you cant expect me to be there for you.cos this time were finished for true.I'm not gonna be there.don't expect me to drop on my knees an careI'm not going to forgive youthats something this chick isn't gonna do

Drifting apart, in a stale piece of art.A jigsaw puzzle that goes together so easily, pieces fitting perfectly as if two are one, and one it really two.Once we were a whole now we are cracked never to be whole.An empty space that no one knows exists because they can't read you,like your old friend could do.They don't get you,like your former friend would.Sadness sets in, as a whole new world begins.It starts with loneliness, but as you pass your former friend and all the meaningful memories that you had.They just walk by and you don't understand why they do the new things they do.Sad and depressed you now see that you weren't close of friends as friends might be.

We were the best of friendsyou knew everything about meI thought i knew everything about youBut i found out that you used meYou lied to meYou used what i told you and told everyone elseThan i felt so bad because i did not think you could do that.But than i found out it was you.When i finally realized that you were not a true friendI was left hurt and cring.While you laughed and went on with your happy life.

We both had our dreams only mine were nice and yours were mean.We both knew exactly what to say only you would think mine was dumb. You would roll you eyes or stick out your tongue.We both had a dream only yours would mean nothing and mine would mean something.Because you asked me what i thought it took the lecture to far and now I'm left not knowing who you are.I tried as best as i could to forget about the things you said but yet I'm left still sitting in bed.Trying to get thoughts of you out of my head.If i could have one dream come true it would be that i never met you because then it would be so easy to forget you.

I have escaped my bondage,To find a worse fate.Friends that are enemies,And a world full of hate.A world full of secrets,No two people have the same.Yet they pretend to know,They pretend it's a game.Running around without a guide,Trying to make it all make sense.Not realizing the darkness,Just keeps getting more dense.I've escaped my bondage,But my prison remains intact,Because all the world,Is afraid to act.

"hey, what's wrong?" they always askwhat goes on behind that mask?anger and violence, flowing to my fistshurt and pain are painted on my wrists.the sign of a lonely girl are the tear-drop stains on her cheek,yeah, she used to be strong but now i guess she's weak.OK i shut myself off from them,only because i don't want them knowing i feel broken.used, abused and dumped again.the story of my life, the tale of that friend.the friend i spent every moment with,where that friendship is.. i guess that's a myth.[November 6, 2004] a day to remember, the summer of lies and broken hearts. empty promises.

I don't need you to comfort meyou've hurt me too much nowyou lied and cheated meand all i can ask is howi thought you were a real friendi really thought you caredi thought that you would always be truei thought that you'd be therebut all along you held that knifeso close to my back for months and months i listened to youi took all of you're crapand when you told me what you'd donei didn't believe youi thought this girl is My best friendthats something she wouldn't dobut now you've made me stronger girland i will say thatthanks for ramming that knife of yours deep into my back!!!!!!!!!!

Will we be friends forever?We often asked each otherI guess when we answered yesIt was just a guessYou back-stabbed me with the sharpest knifeEverything you did shattered my lifeWhat made you turn so evil?Now you really are the devilWhy do you hate me now?I thought we had our special vowWe would be friends foreverBut now our relationship has severForever has just endedI feel so offendedYou never were a true friendHow could you pretend?!Will we be friends forever?We often asked each otherI guess when we answered yesIt was just a guessFriend::a person you know well and regard with affection and trust*Think about that...

Today it comes out,and there is no doubt.Everything happens,for it's own reasons.You have memories of me andI have memories of you.I'll remember it as ifit happened today.Knowing all of it wasa memory in the past.We had so many arguments,I knew that it wasn't right.Are you happy?I hope you are, butwish,that in your heart, you'llnever forget me as an old friend.if we hadn't meton that one very day,So much would be different,in every single way. Your friendship wasn't long,but it seemed forever with you.I know that I can't explain it to you,just maybe because your not listening to me.It's sad now that it had to come to this,but now it has to be the end.But remember this,I'll always be one call away,If you ever need me.