Thursday, January 27, 2005

Where am I Going?

I used to think that there were different areas of my life, but now I understand that there is no such thing. All the so-called "areas" of my life are intertwined. In my career I plan to become a nurse practitioner and midwife. A few months ago I saw my career goals as my ultimate goals, now i see my ultimate goals differently. I have the goal of raising two young girls to become awesomely strong women and my son to be a splendid gentleman. My family is my passion and part of the reason I want to finish nursing. Because of my family and my career goals, they lead to another goal of getting healthy. I have joined a health club, changing my diet (this is harder for me than excercising), and even taking better care of my skin. I feel that with these changes I am making my myself a better person which will positively reflect in my life.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Why am I Here?

My name means Queen of the Lake who lives by the Cliffs and Summons.(just fun to know)

Why am I here?
At this point in my life I believe that God is making my purpose clearer to me. My most important purpose is to be a mother to my three great children and a wife to a man that is wonderful. I also am starting to realize that i have a natural tendacy to be cheerleader for people who are not feeling good about themselves. I do realize now that I cannot be a cheerleader for others all the time. Sometimes I get wrapped up in helping others that I forget to help myself. That cannot happen again. I feel that my life experiences has shaped me for a career in the nursing field. I have been told by some patients that I have taken care of that there is something comforting about my presence. I am humbled by comments like that by patients. Humanity never ceases to amaze me, at its worst and best. I feel that it is my purpose in life to serve humanity.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Praise vs Worship

T.D. Jakes states that when you praise God, you praise Him for what He did. But when worship God, you praise Him for just being God. I am guilty of mostly praising God instead of truly worshipping Him.

I try to spend time studying God's word everyday, but I know that I am not doing enough. I am in the process of getting my life closer to God by being a better mother and wife. I believe that we are to worship God not only in what we say but also in what we do. I can give lip service all day on how much I love God but what will that mean to God if I can't keep my home clean and my family taken care of in a Godly manner.

The first thing that I must do as a is to be a Godly wife. I must have the right heavenly relationship with my husband. When we get into an argument instead lashing out at my husband I need to try to be more understanding of his problems and to pray for him and with him. I need to pray for my husband's spiritual and physical health and other aspects of his well being. I am not saying that I am not to disagree or try to help him understand that he may be wrong in his thinking but I do not have to be mean in my dealings with my husband.

As a mom I know that there is nothing as contagious as a child's laughter. I feel that it is not an obligation but a cherished gift to get to raise my gifts from God. By cleaning my mind, my home, helping my husband and raising my children in Christ I am worshipping God in the best way I know. Hopefully one day I will be able to worship God through my career by shining His light through me.

Monday, January 17, 2005


I am so in love today. My husband took the day off work and spent it with me honoring me as only he knows how. He is a very awesome man.

I was watching the news today about the tsunami victims. I was heartbroken when I saw what those people are going through. I have sent as much as I could afford to help those in need. I am a mother and seeing how many families were torn apart or destroyed. I am pleased to see that people from all different economic status are working together to help each other during this time fo tragedy.


Friday, January 14, 2005

Mood Diary

I have decided to publish my mood diary on the my blog. This decision will allow me to be able to help others learn more about bipolar disorder."Bipolar disorder, previously known as manic-depressive illness, affects millions of people each year. For those affected by bipolar disorder, life is an emotional roller coaster of intense highs and crippling lows."( I personally was not diagnosed with bipolar until I was 23. All I remember was waking up strapped to a gurney and people telling me I was going to be OK. I was afraid of what was going on in my life at that time. within a week and a half of counseling and therapy I learned about bipolar disorder. I learned that the emotional issues that I had been going thorugh since I was around 13 wasn't just moodiness but a biochemical problem.

At this point in my life I am taking Symbyax to control my bipolar disorder. ( This medication is a combination of Zyprexa ( and Prozac ( I am able to think clearly for the first time n years and it feels good. Thank you Eli Lilly.

Friday, January 07, 2005

my husband

Many women say that their husbands are stupid or dumb. Many say that their husbands are lazy and no good. I would like to say that there are good, decent and wonderful men in this world. I hve one. This man does not drink. This man does not smoke. He does not go out an party. He is church going and God fearing. He is an excellent father, lover and provider. My husband works hard to support his family and put me through nursing school. While I am in school he watches our three children (two still in diapers) after putting in a hard days work. He makes sure that I have time to study and do homework, he even helps me study. He does dishes, laundry, floors, scubs the tub, cooks, changes diapers, pay the bills and still finds time to make sure that I am sexually satisfied. This man is awesome. For him to do all this and to deal with my mental condition (bipolar) is nothing short of saintly. It feels to me that I have met an angel whosed clipped his wings.